Unrequited Love
by no white horse for me
Summary: A story about Remus and Tonks, their love, their life, and their death. multichap
1. You and Me

"Tonks, please listen to me." Lupin begged, trying to catch the girl's wrist. She shook free of him, tears dripping down her cheeks.  
>"Let go of me, Lupin. Don't touch me again." She hissed, her voice catching as fresh tears fell.<br>Nymphadora Tonks was close to splitting, breaking in two. Her heart had already done, so why not the rest of her? She couldn't understand the man that stood before her, why he wouldn't tell her why. Why he wouldn't take her, wouldn't be hers, she didn't understand. Yeah, so what if she was in love with Remus Lupin, a werewolf? Who gave a crap what he was? She certainly didn't if she loved him, but he wouldn't admit it. She had confessed her feelings for him, and, well, let's just say... his response was less than satisfactory.  
>"Tonks, we can't be together, even if I wanted to." He'd said, and she'd looked at him as if he were an insane, a smile tugging at her lips.<br>"Of course we can, Remus. Why can't we?" She'd thought he was joking, sliding a hand through his hair. He relished her touch, but pushed her away before he could get too caught up in it again. He hated the look on her face.  
>"No, Tonks, we can't. I'm too old, too poor, too dangerous for you." He had whispered, turning away from her.<br>Tonks had literally felt her heart break in her chest. Surely he couldn't mean it, surely he couldn't be so certain about this. As she walked up to him, trying to hold his hand, he said what really tore her apart.  
>"I'm sorry, Tonks. But there will never be anything between you and me."<br>And that was where we were now, with Tonks and her broken heart, and Remus wishing he had never said what he did.  
>"Nymphadora, listen to me, please." He asked of her, and she whipped around to face him, her hair turning a bright shade of red that reminded Lupin of sunset. Her eyes were the same, wild with fury and shining clearly the hurt his words had caused her.<br>"Don't you DARE call me Nymphadora!" She shrieked, advancing on him and holding up a hand as if to slap him. But then she dropped her hand, suddenly all of her anger ebbing away.  
>"I hate you, Remus Lupin."<br>Remus drew in a sharp breath, clenching and unclenching his fists against his side. He wouldn't hurt her, he just wouldn't. "Please, Tonks, tell me you don't mean it."  
>It was hearing how hurt he sounded that made her react. She straightened up, her hands pressed against her chest. "I hate you. I hate you, hate you, hate you, hate you! Is that clear? I bloody well hope so! I HATE YOU!" She shrieked at him, holding in a fresh wave of tears.<br>"Take it back." His voice was dangerously close to tears, but he would not let the girl he loved see him cry.  
>Tonks wavered at the hurt in his voice, how bright his brown eyes were, wet with unshed tears. She backed toward the door, grabbing her wand and holding it out at arm length, pointed at him. She turned swiftly on her heel, and as she made to run, Lupin heard her say a single word clearly.<br>"No."

_Heyy!  
>Chapter two will be up soon! Reviews will be much appreciated, so please let me know what you think!<br>Thanks, Elyse_


	2. Talking

_**TALKING**_

Nymphadora Tonks was face down on her bed, tears leaking from her eyes and falling salty into her mouth, when her mother knocked on her door.

"Dora?" She called, pushing the door open. "There's someone here to see you."

Tonks turned away to face the window. "Who is it?" She asked, her voice rough from lack of use. She heard her mother whispering to whoever it was, and then, "Hermione Granger, she says."

Tonks sat up straight and turned back to the door, just as the young, bushy-haired 16 year old walked through, thanking Tonks' mother profusely. When the door shut with a loud click, Hermione spun to face Tonks, who was sitting up, her eyes red from crying. Her hair was a dark blue, as were her eyes.

"Hi." Hermione said softly, at a loss as to what else to say. Tonks smiled sadly, drying away any excess tears. She rose to her feet and stretched high, concentrating and turning her hair to a light, playful pink that brought out her teenage side. She was reaching 30 years old, and she was a Metamorphmagus – a shape-shifter in other words. She could change her outward appearance to whatever she wanted, which was why her hair changed so frequently.

Hermione thought she was beautiful, but she'd never really seen her real form, so went by whatever Tonks had decided to be. But she was still pretty.

"How'd you know I was gone?" She asked as her eyes changed to a violet colour. Hermione couldn't help but smile.

"Well, it got really quiet after a bit, and we were all wondering, 'why can't we hear any crashes?'" Tonks laughed. "And we saw you run out." Hermione stepped toward her and made to grab her hand, but Tonks pulled away, turning her back on her friend.

"You need to get back to Harry and Ron." She said, and she felt her heart constrict. How come Hermione could love someone; she was 16, Tonks was 30, and she was still single! How the hell did that work? Hermione grimaced just thinking about the boy with the fire red hair.

"To hell with them. We need to talk, just you and me. Sit down." Tonks was about a heartbeat away from saying no, but one look at Hermione's face told her that that wasn't a good idea.

She obeyed, flouncing over to her bed and sitting down clumsily, almost knocking over nightstand as she did. "Oopsy daisy." She grinned sheepishly. Hermione laughed, glad to see the old Tonks and not this different version she didn't like – the one that loved Lupin and changed for him.

Hermione sat across from Tonks and crossed her legs in a very lady-likeish way. "What happened between you and Lupin?" She demanded. Tonks peered at her curiously, pressing her tongue against the roof of her mouth. Hermione knew she was sizing her up, and she let it happen. And then, Tonks told her everything.

"It started probably about a week after Sirius died. I was really upset because I felt like it was all my fault, like I should have died instead of him. I was isolated, I wouldn't let anyone come into my room, and I practically refused to leave it for at least a month.

"And then, Remus turned up here and wouldn't listen to my mother or my father. He just walked right into my room, practically breaking the door down when he did. I was lying on my bed, crying, and I didn't even notice him until he slid his arms under me and picked me up, like I was some ragdoll. I was screaming and shouting for him to let me go, but he just grabbed my wand and my coat and went down the stairs, with me screaming, fighting and kicking against him. He said goodbye to my parents and just walked out of the house, Apparated right there on the porch.

"I could have strangled him about then, and I was about to, before I realized where we were. We weren't at the headquarters – or what passed as headquarters since we had to vacate Grimmauld – but we were at some really pretty lake. He sat me down on a rock, gave me my wand and my coat, and sat down across from me. He watched me as I watched the lake – I could almost feel his eyes burning a hole right through my skull. And then, he said 'it's not your fault.' I turned to look at him, and I think my hair turned a dark, fiery red because his eyes widened and he looked fearful. 'And how do you know it's not?' I asked. He shrugged and looked out at the lake. And then he turned to latch his eyes on mine.

"'Sirius died the way anyone in the Order would have wanted to, and you shouldn't blame yourself.'" Tonks stopped herself – talking about her dead cousin was still hard, but Hermione grasped her hand and urged her on.

"He persuaded me to come back to the Order, to become an Auror again, and to stop acting like an idiot and a coward. And then, just as we were about to Disapparate, he turned to me and gave me a quick kiss, just on the cheek. But it sent shivers down my spine. And it was then that I realized, I loved him." Tonks now had tears leaking from her eyes, and she couldn't stop them, so she let them flow freely, clutching Hermione's hand like a lifeline.  
>"He's all I really think about, and today was...just awful." Hermione nodded sadly.<p>

"We heard you two yelling at each other. Harry got mad, Ron looked confused, and I...well, I knew what happened. I'm a girl." She said, as if this would have made it any clearer. Tonks laughed and gave Hermione a long hug.

"Thank you." She whispered into the girl's fluffy hair, and Hermione squeezed her. They hugged for a bit, and then Hermione pulled back and watched as Tonks' hair turned into a deep, mousy brown. It looked like it took the Metamorphmagus a lot of energy and concentration to just perform that little shape-shift. Hermione immediately knew what this was because of – deep stress, a broken heart, and guilt.

"You need to talk to him." Hermione murmured against her friend's ear, pressing a light, friendly kiss to her cheek. Tonks hesitated, and then nodded her agreement, giving Hermione's arm a quick squeeze as she rose to her feet, grabbed her wand, said, "Wotcher, 'Mione," spun on the spot, and Disapparated right there, in the middle of the floor of her bedroom. Hermione watched her go, and then realized she was alone. "Well..." She spoke to herself, rather awkwardly. And then, she followed Nymphadora's idea and Disapparated right back to Grimmauld Place.


	3. Hospital Wings

**hey! pretty proud of this chapter, if I do say so myself, and I hope you guys are enjoying the whole story! will continue to upload!**

"Thank you. I am sure zat will be lovely." Fleur Delacour said stiffly to Molly Weasley, dabbing more ointment on her fiancé's scars.

Tonks didn't see what happened next, because she had spun on Remus, who was standing next to her, looking happy for them. "You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!" She exclaimed, training suddenly red eyes on Lupin. She felt all this pent-up rage burst out of her, like a thermometer breaking.

"It's different." Remus said, suddenly looking uncomfortable? Oh, he was uncomfortable? Too bloody bad, he was about to get a lot more! "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" Tonks said, grabbing two fistfuls of his robes and shaking him with all her might. "I've told you a million times..."

"And I've told _you _a million times," Lupin said, suddenly taking a deep interest in the floor. "That I am too old for you, too poor...too dangerous." Tonks' jaw dropped, and she was on the verge of saying more when Molly cut in.

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus." She patted her soon-to-be-daughter-in-law on the back comfortingly, looking at Remus Lupin pointedly.

"I am not being ridiculous. Tonks deserves somebody young and whole." said Lupin, his voice steady while his heart broke inside his chest. He knew he was being an idiot about this whole thing, but a small part of him believed he was right, whilst the rest of him was screaming, 'TAKE HER! TAKE HER IN YOUR ARMS, YOU IDIOT! DO IT NOW, BEFORE YOU LOSE HER!'

"But she wants you." said Mr Weasley with a gentle and kind smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." He pointed at his son with a soft smile.  
>Remus was uncomfortable, Tonks could tell, but she couldn't care less at this point. "This is not the moment to discuss it. Dumbledore is dead..." Lupin trailed off, looking around, trying everything he could to avoid everyone's eyes – in particular a certain Metamorphmagus's.<p>

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world." Minerva McGonagall said swiftly and curtly, as Hagrid came stumbling in, his bushy hair plastered to his forehead.

Tonks didn't even hear what anyone else was talking about; she was staring at Lupin with wide eyes, trying to understand the werewolf that stood before her. She stared at him, as if hoping that, if her gaze was intense enough, she might penetrate his brain and learn his darkest secrets. But she never was good at Occulmency, so she came up short. It wasn't until she blinked and realized how silent it was that she saw everyone had left and the only person left in here was Bill and... Oh Merlin, Remus.

He was staring at her, gazing at her, marvelling in her beauty – her hair was dark pink, obviously still dying down from her red-head moment that would have sent any Weasley to shame. She was wearing tattered and patched robes, her lips in a thin line, her hands clenched at her sides.

"Stop staring at me." She snapped at him, her hand closing over the wand in her pocket. He flinched as though slapped and watched with curiosity as she walked toward Bill, lying unconscious on the bed between them. She stood over him, looking at him, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"He is quite handsome. I can understand why Fleur would want to marry him, even after the werewolf attack." She murmured, brushing a lock of his hair out of his eyes and subconsciously tracing the long scar that ran from his hairline to his jaw.

Lupin watched her hand, wishing it was his cheek she was touching, and in a loving gesture, instead of a friendly one.

"Even if he is a werewolf, I understand." Tonks had accidentally let this slip, but she didn't need to tell Lupin this. She meant it, she really did, but she just didn't understand why he wouldn't do anything.

Lupin gazed at her, desire burning deep in his chest. She looked so tender, so loving, stroking Bill's cheek with love in her touch, and his breath sped up when he thought of her hand on his cheek, his chest, her lips on his...

And it was then that Remus Lupin realized: He loved Nymphadora Tonks.

"Tonks." He whispered: she ignored him – as far as she was concerned, she wasn't _ever _going to speak to him again. He said her name again, louder this time, more insistent. She continued to ignore him, still tracing Bill's scars. It wasn't until he rose to his feet and stood right behind her, almost breathing down her neck that she gave in.

"What, Lupin? Merlin, why must you keep repeating my name?" She exclaimed, spinning on her heel and almost falling into Bill's lap when she saw just how close they were. Had she moved an inch or less, their lips would have connected.

They stood in an awkward position for a bit; Tonks leaning against the railing of the hospital bed, and Lupin's toes flush with hers, each of them sizing the other up. And then they both seemed to understand the spot they were in.

They both went for it at the same time.

Tonks grabbed his face and brought his lips to hers; he wrapped his arms around her waist and tugged her closer as she slid one arm behind his neck. Tonks' body fit into his as she pressed herself against him as much as possible, relishing his gentle touch, the way his lips tasted on hers – like chocolate and strawberries and candy: just how she imagined he would taste.

Remus moved a hand and entwined it in Tonks' hair, which immediately grew longer, as if she had done it exactly for this purpose. He loved the feeling of her pressed against him, her smooth hands holding each cheek, how she kissed him. She tasted amazingly perfect, like sugar, and chocolate, and vanilla, and cinnamon, and everything that Lupin loved. He couldn't help but find this ironic.

They must have stayed that way for a good five minutes, pressed alongside each other, leaning against Bill's hospital bed railing. And then they both pulled back simultaneously, as if someone had flicked a switch. Both their breathing was heavy, and they both looked as if they had been whacked in the back of the head with a broomstick, but they both had these goofy grins on their faces.

Tonks moved her hands to rest on Lupin's chest, and he moved his to rest on her waist, against her hipbones. Tonks met his eyes, and they both split into wide grins.

"Wow." Said Tonks, her breathing heavy, and Remus nodded his agreement. There was yet another moment of silence, except this one was awkward – it was charged and intensified, full of sparks, love and much more. They both leaned toward each other, their lips touching, sending shivers down both of their spines.

Oh, how great were hospital wings?


	4. Listening to You

Tonks swirled a finger in the cool, clear water, lost deep in thought. Of none other than Remus Lupin himself. It had been full moon last night, and he had hidden himself from her, trying desperately to stay away. But she thought she had a rough idea where he was.

There was a cave not far from Grimmauld that Remus had once let slip that he stayed there during his transformations. She had taken it to heart, but she had never once looked for him when it was a full moon – she clumsy, and not the shiniest wand in the store, but she did want to live a bit longer, thanks.

She had followed him, staying a while back but still managing to keep track of him. And then, when she found where he was hiding, she had hidden herself and waited for morning to come, trying not to listen to his cries of pain at the transformation he was enduring. But, it was a lot easier said than done – his screams carried through the empty night, reaching Nymphadora with ease. She had stayed awake all the night, pushing tears back into her throat and wiping away ones that had gone astray. She didn't like crying.

So here she was, early on the morning, sitting on a rock, watching as the light danced over the cool water. He would be coming out of the cave soon, she knew, and she couldn't wait to see him. One single night away from him had been torture, and she clearly pictured it in her mind. Running up to him, flinging her arms around his neck and smashing her lips against his. A very romantic reunion. She sighed contentedly as she imagined it.

"Tonks? Is that you?"

She was so shocked that she slid right off the rock and into the water, which – upon full submersion – was ridiculously cold. She was never really a good swimmer – Auror training didn't really require it – but she fought her way up, kicking her legs strong and hard. She came up gasping for air.

"Bloody hell, Remus!" she moaned, treading water. Remus was obviously trying desperately not to laugh, and just for that, she wanted to murder him. "Help me out." She commanded, swimming over to the bank and grasping his outstretched hand. He pulled her up and out of the water to her feet, and she stood on the sandbank, dripping wet and shivering. He cast a small spell, and she was immediately dry and warm.

She stepped into his open arms and breathed in his scent – he smelled of dirt, mud, sweat and tears. "Were you out here all night, Dora?" Remus whispered, tilting her chin up to him. She nodded her head, and he smiled weakly, the metal of his wedding ring cool against her cheek.

"I hated listening to you." She murmured softly, rising up and brushing her lips against his softly. He moaned against her lips and entangled a hand in her bubblegum pink hair, drawing her closer. Tonks reached up and ran her hands through his browny-grey hair, relishing the feeling of it between her fingers.

"You should have left. What if I had lost control and come out of the cave?" He asked, breaking the kiss. Tonks just raised an eyebrow and traced his scars, knowing it would make him shiver.

"What kind of wife would I be if I left when you needed me?" She questioned innocently, blinking her lashes and turning her eyes to a soft violet colour that made him weak at the knees. She had so many ways to manipulate him, wrap him around her little finger, and she knew all of them. She knew his favourite hair colour – pink – his favourite eye colour, the violet. She knew that if she traced a finger over the long scar that wrapped around his stomach, he couldn't say no.

It had been a week since the incident at Bill and Fleur's wedding, with Kingsley's warning to save most everyone at that wedding. Harry, Ron and Hermione had run to Grimmauld place, and that had been the last they had heard of them. But they knew they were still alive. It was a very shocking, hair-raising experience to know that You-Know-Who was back, and that his target was one of their friends. A good one, a brave one, but a young one.

Lupin bent down to kiss his wife again, but he never got the chance. Tonks suddenly doubled over, clutching her abdomen as something stole her breath away. She fell to the ground on her knees, gasping for breath. Her hands flew to her stomach, suddenly noticing something she hadn't before. No, it couldn't be. It wasn't possible.

Tonks' stomach was round.

"Dora?" Lupin asked, falling beside her. "What happened? What's wrong? Dora, look at me!" he commanded harshly, tipping her chin up to meet his eyes. Her eyes were wide with fear, a bright red colour that shocked Remus. "What's the matter?" He repeated, panic filling his chest.

Tonks just stared at him, her mouth closing and opening in her imitation of a goldfish. There was no way it was possible – it was impossible. No way could it be real. She was too young; she had her whole life ahead of her! But if it was true, then she knew what she had to do. She had to tell him the truth.

"Remus, I...I think I'm pregnant." Remus' jaw dropped, his grip on her slackened, and he rose to his feet shakily. She watched him with wide eyes as he looked down at her once, turned on the spot and Disapparated.

**Have decided I will update two chapters today - the next one is pretty sad, but I'm quite happy about it! and I'm happy with this chapter - wasnt entirely sure how to introduce the Tonks pregnancy thing, so I picked this! Please review, by the way!  
>HPloveofmylife<strong>


	5. Goodbye

"You weak, spineless git!" She shrieked at him, throwing whatever was within reach at his gaunt form. "You're leaving me now! When I'm going to have your child?" Plates, mugs, books, papers, a saucepan, whatever she could find, she hurled at Remus, her anger boiling up inside her. He chose now to leave her? To walk away when she needed him most, and he needed her? A weak, spineless git was all he was.

"Dora, please, listen to me!" He begged, ducking all of the flying objects with grace – but only just. She had a good aim, being an Auror, and she knew this.

"Don't call me Dora!" She shrieked, picking up a very large knife and sending it flying. Remus dropped to the floor in shock – the knife sunk into the wall with a sharp clang. "Don't call me Dora! Don't call me Dora! Don't call me Dora...Don't...Dora..." Tonks slid to her knees, holding her head in her hands, her rapidly growing stomach blocking her breath.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." He whispered as he fell in front of her, and she felt all her anger ebb away slowly, like someone was wiping it off cleanly. She hastily dried her tears and looked up toward her husband, drinking him in. Those dark brown eyes, his greyish brown hair that she loved oh so much.

"Why?"

"For you and the child."

And then, just like that, all her anger was back.

"You lying, filthy mongrel! It's not because of me or this kid! It's because of your own stupid pride! YOUR PRIDE!" She yelled, standing up and glaring down at him, so much fire in her eyes it killed him. And so did her use of the word 'mongrel'. He stood too, towering over her, but she didn't back down.

"Your...own...pride! You...think...that...running...away...will...save...you?" She pronounced each word with a sharp jab to his chest, pushing him so hard she unintentionally shoved him against the wall, glaring up at him, her lip curled back in a snarl.

"I want you out of this house." She snapped, before raising her wand and pointing it at Lupin's luggage, which he had somehow packed without her noticing. They immediately levitated, she slid open a window with one hand, and Banished the luggage out.

Tonks forced Remus to the door, her heart slamming against her ribcage – _boomboomboomboomboomboom _repeatedly. Remus was forced out into the cold night air, and Tonks stood in the doorway, her hair flying around her face as she glared down at him. She was much shorter than him, but at that moment, it felt as though she filled up the whole doorway.

"I think...it will be better if the child didn't know you." She murmured, sliding her wand into the back pocket of her jeans as she crossed her arms over her chest. Lupin opened his mouth to reply, but she cut him off. "Didn't know you for the weak, spineless, fearful coward that you are. Know you for leaving your wife and unborn child for your own stupid pride. So, don't come back. Are we clear?" She snarled, and Lupin nodded, tears brimming his eyelashes.

"Get off my lawn, and stay away from me, or I will kill you." And with those final, parting words, Tonks turned and slammed the door in his face. She stared at the door for a while, before finally realizing that she was crying. Great, wracking sobs that took hold of her whole body, she hung her head and let the tears slide down her cheeks and onto the floor with loud, depressing '_plops_'.

She dropped to her knees, her arms held close to her chest as she cried. He had left her when she was pregnant with _his _child; because he was scared it was going to be like him. Well, if it was, then she was screwed because she was now a single mother with a werewolf baby on the way. Fan-bloody-tastic! Tonks closed her arms over her stomach and ran a hand over her rounded skin, feeling her baby kick inside.

"I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry your daddy left us because he was scared. I'm so sorry he said goodbye. But Mummy's going to make it okay, I promise. We don't need him, just you and me, baby." Tonks lay down against the cool marble tiles of the kitchen, thinking that only minutes ago, Remus walked along here, as her husband. And now...he was running from his fears. Running from his life. Running from _her._

She felt her unborn child kick inside of her as she rose to her feet and made her way unsteadily up to her bedroom. She flung herself onto the bed backwards and her hands flew to her stomach. She felt something strike her hand, and she couldn't help but smile. Her baby was a fighter, just like its mother. But it wasn't like his father. His father was weak, a coward, a fearful bastard that left his own wife, left the woman he swore to love and protect, to hold and to stand next to forever. What a bunch of shit.

Tonks' hand flew to what used to be Remus' side of the bed, curling around the covers. She knew he wasn't there, but it felt as though she could feel him curled against her, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine. But she couldn't feel him. She was empty, alone in this large house. Pregnant with his kid. She let out a heavy breath and curled on her side, letting the tears fall freely. Her hair turned a deep blue, mimicking her feelings.

She was empty, and alone. Empty.

**It's a short chapter, I'll admit it, probably the shortest I've ever written, but i think it really portays how hurt Tonks would be feeling when Remus left her. and the next chapter is definitely longer, and the one after that, I think! So bare with me!  
>HPloveofmylife<strong>


	6. Ashamed and Embarrassed

"Remus. Don't say that – how could any child be ashamed of you?" Hermione whispered, tears brimming her dark brown eyes.

"Oh, I don't know, Hermione. I'd be pretty ashamed of him." Harry said, never once taking his bright green eyes off the man standing before him. For Lupin, this was too much. His hand flicked instinctively toward his wand, but he drew it back, sucking in a sharp breath. He would not hurt James' son, not without good intention.

"If the new regime thinks Muggle-borns are bad, what will they do to a half-werewolf whose father's in the Order? My father died trying to protect my mother and me, and you reckon he'd tell you to abandon your kid to go on an adventure with us?" Harry asked, crossing his arms over his chest decisively.

"How-how dare you? This is not about a desire for-for danger or personal glory – how dare you suggest such a –"Lupin was cut off as Harry interrupted, his tone dripping disappointment.

"I think you're feeling a bit of a daredevil. You fancy stepping into Sirius' shoes-"Harry said, and Hermione interrupted him, but Remus didn't even hear it. How dare he suggest that he was trying to be like Sirius? How dare he think that he has the right to do such a thing, to bring both Sirius and James into this? And then he heard something that really flipped him into a spin: "I'd never have believed this. The man who taught me to fight Dementors – a coward."

Without even thinking, Lupin whipped out his wand, pointed it at his best friend's son, shouted a spell, and Harry flew backward into the wall. Lupin spun on his heel and marched from the house, ignoring Hermione's frantic calls for him to come back. He opened the door and Disapparated right on the front porch, his mind scattered and wandering. It was a lucky thing he was good at Disapparating, because when he arrived at wherever he had gone, he didn't feel Splinched.

He had no idea where he had Disapparated – he had drawn whatever he could – until he looked around and jumped violently. He was standing in the backyard of his house – the one that he shared with Tonks. It must have been the first thing on his mind when he Disapparated, so it sent him here. He was about to Disapparate somewhere else when he suddenly saw something move in the window. Tonks.

Remus flew to the glass, peering inside, putting a quick Disillusionment charm on himself so that if she looked out, she wouldn't see him. She looked beautiful as she washed dishes with a flick of her wand, working around her rapidly growing stomach. She was wearing sweat pants, a loose t-shirt, and thick socks. Her hair was a thin, stringy pink that brushed past her shoulders – exactly the same as when he first met her.

She suited pregnancy, he decided, as she danced around the kitchen, washing up and putting things away with a flick of her wand, singing at the top of her lungs. 'Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special!' definitely for him, he decided. He watched her for a while; basking in how beautiful she looked before she fell silent. She reached out a hand to grip the countertop, holding her stomach with a loving hand. She furrowed her brow as the life inside her stole her breath away and Remus' own breath caught in his throat.

The baby was kicking, and kicking hard. Nymphadora was 6 months along, with a large, rounded stomach that nursed her child. She had been without Remus for almost a whole month, and – after the time when he had refused to do anything or show any recognition of her – it had been the worst part of her life. She had had to wake up to an empty bed, an empty house. Have to cook for herself, clean everything, read alone, do everything she used to do with Remus ALONE.

And then, just thinking about her werewolf husband, she couldn't help herself.

Nymphadora Tonks started to cry.

She gripped the countertop, her knuckles whitening with the force as tears dripped down her cheeks and into her mouth, tasting bitterly sweet. She clutched her abdomen with the other hand, feeling the pressure of a small foot drive into the wall of her stomach.

"Mummy's weak, baby. Mummy's a weak, cowardly fool for letting herself believe that your Daddy could love a girl like her." She murmured, letting the tears flow freely. Remus stood at the window, trying to hold himself back from throwing inside and gathering her into his arms.

"But Mummy will be strong for you. She'll be strong and brave when you need her to be, and she will not cry in front of you. She will not hurt you in the way that your Daddy hurt your Mummy. I can promise you that." She stroked her stomach with one hand, trying desperately to believe every word that she promised her unborn child.

Tonks dropped to the ground, leaning against the cupboard, her gangly legs splayed around her. "I love you, baby. I love you with all my heart and I will never leave you, no matter what." She grabbed her wand and opened the window that Lupin leant against, and he almost toppled inside. Tonks heard a muffled cry, and her eyes narrowed. She had heard that cry before, and she thought she'd never hear it again.

She struggled to her feet, ignoring the popping and cracking of her joints at this small task. "Remus?" she called, twirling her wand absently around her fingers. There was silence for a moment, and then the cracking of a twig as someone moved. "Shit." Remus hissed, and instantaneously, his hand flew to his mouth, wanting to reach out and rip the word from the air.

"Come out, come out wherever you are!" She sing-songed as she leant out the window, her hand pressed firmly against the windowpane. Remus knew he had to show himself eventually, so he did. With a wave of his wand, he knocked the Disillusionment charm off, showing himself in the full and Tonks shrieked, stumbling backward.

"Merlin!" She shrieked, hands flying to her head, before she finally realized what happened. Remus Lupin, her ex husband, was standing outside the window, smiling weakly. "So, finally realized you wanted to come back, did you?" She hissed, hiding her wand behind her back.

Remus shrugged and smiled weakly, murmuring, "I'm so sorry, Dora." Tonks laughed bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Too late for sorry, Remus." She snapped, gliding to the door with such maliciousness in both her face and her movement that it would have sent Snape to shame.

She leant out the window, sneering down at him. She brought her lips so close to his that he could feel her hot breath on his face. "Goodbye." She hissed, before she slammed the window against his cheek, with so much force it knocked him backward. He landed with a dull thump on the grass, clutching his throbbing cheek. Well, that answered that question. He was not going to be forgiven easily.

**hey! it's here! i've uploaded the chapter, and i'm very proud of it! the next chapter is longer, but this one is sweet, i think. anyway, i'll probably upload the next chapter tomorrow or the day after (i'm on holidays and i'm bored) so i hope that you're enjoying them!  
>HPloveofmylife<strong>


	7. Fight for me

Tonks was sitting in front of the fireplace, clutching a mug full of steaming hot chocolate. She took another sip, letting the taste slide over her tongue – rich and creamy, with just a bit of cinnamon to spice it up. That was how Remus used to make it, before he...well, before he left. She hated coffee, and tea wasn't really her thing (unless it was Remus', which was entirely different), so every evening, even when they weren't dating/married, at Grimmauld Place, The Burrow, or here in their house, Remus would bring her hot chocolate and never tell her what made it taste so good.

But she found out. Cinnamon, exactly what Remus' lips tasted like when he kissed her.

Her grip tightened on the mug, with so much intensity it was a wonder the glass cup didn't crumble to dust in her fingers. Her tummy was getting bigger and bigger, and she was finding it harder to live alone than she originally thought. She had always had someone with her, no matter where she was: Grimmauld Place she had Molly and Sirius, at the Burrow she had Molly, Hermione, Ginny and Harry (occasionally Ron, but not really). At home she had her mother and her father, who had only recently been pronounced dead. And here, she _used _to have Remus.

She stretched out along the lounge, Banishing the cup into the kitchen. The fire burst and crackled before her, and she pressed her left hand against her stomach whilst grabbing a book with the other. _101 tips to easy Muggle Hunting_, the front cover read. It was one of Remus' old ones that he had left here in his haste to get here. Tonks snorted with laughter at the thought of Remus sneaking down a sidewalk, following some blissfully oblivious old Muggle lady. And then she laughed even harder when she envisioned the Muggle lady realizing he was there, spinning on him, and whacking him around with an oversized handbag.

Tonks fell silent almost instantaneously, wondering why the laughter sounded so weird in the house, reverberating against the walls of the silent home, bouncing in every direction. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something off about it, about the laughter bouncing around her home. Almost like it didn't fit right with the interior. And then, it suddenly hit her like a smack in the face.

It was the first time she had laughed since Remus left.

She hadn't really had the time for laughter. She was so caught up either wondering about her child, or doing Auror work that laughter seemed to be knocked right off the charts of importance. "Merlin. I gotta get out more." She complained as she struggled to her feet, stretching her aching back. She felt the baby kick her, and she subconsciously rubbed the spot where its foot had connected.

"Do you think it's time for Mummy to go bed? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" She cooed softly, and, almost in agreement, she felt another powerful kick drive into the inner wall of her stomach. She giggled softly and made her way up to bed on unsteady feet, gripping the banister tightly. She fell into bed and just about fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

What felt like only 5 minutes had passed before there was an incessant knocking at the front door. Tonks closed her eyes and rolled over, dragging a pillow with her. It didn't work – she could still hear and feel whoever was making that much racket on the door. She groaned and slid out of bed, mumbling to herself, "Better be Merlin himself if I'm waking up now."

But it wasn't Merlin himself. It was someone a lot better, standing before her in the snow, dripping and shivering.

It was Remus.

"What in the name of Helga Hufflepuff is going on?" She exclaimed, taking him in from head to toe. He had snow covering his shoulders, and there was condensation dripping through his hair and onto the front porch. He had his arms crossed over his chest and looked like an icicle, Tonks thought.

"P-pl-please l-let m-m-me i-in." He stuttered, trying desperately to keep hold of his wand with numb fingers. Tonks glared at him through her lashes, debating with herself whether she should let him in, or make him freeze to death outside. And then, she decided when his lips turned an alarming shade of blue. She stepped aside and beckoned him in, slamming the door shut with a bang.

"You know where the showers are, and I'm sure you've left some clothes lying about somewhere. You know where the teas and coffees are kept in the cupboard; you know how to start a fire. And you know where the door is." She deadpanned, before turning swiftly on her heel and making to go up the steps. But Remus caught her wrist before she could.

The single touch sent a thousand bolts of electricity shooting through their veins, but Tonks ignored it. "Let me go, Lupin." She commanded harshly, not fighting it. Lupin ignored her, and pulled her back down the steps so she was standing in front of him. She was too tired to fight, but instead gave a meek little whimper. He took hold of both her wrists and held them tight, feeling her heart throb under his fingers. It was beating strangely fast at the proximity of the two, and he smiled to himself.

"Please, Remus. Let me go. I just want to sleep." She whispered, not meeting his eyes. Tonks knew that if she looked into his dark brown eyes, she would fall back into their trap, wrap herself into his arms and let him carry her up to bed. But she was Nymphadora *shudder* Tonks, her parents had raised her to never give in, and she wasn't about to start now. So she tried her hardest not to look into his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Tonks. I never should have left you." He bent his head to nuzzle her neck out of habit, and she gripped his robes in skinny, pale fingers. His lips brushed against her pulse point, and she let out a soft gasp. "It was a moment of weakness, and I shouldn't have done it. I will love the child to the day I die, as I will love you. Nothing could change that."

Tonks felt his lips vibrate against her skin as he spoke, and she knew that, no matter how long she pretended, he was already forgiven. Damn him and his irresistible charm! Why couldn't she be strong when it came to love, instead of falling 1) for a werewolf, and 2) letting him slip back into her heart. Well, in all honestly, he'd never left. She tipped his chin up so that her eyes met his, and it became official. Yep, she thought to herself, definitely forgiven.

"Why did you leave me?" She asked softly, and he let out a long breath. He knew it was coming eventually, he knew that she would ask the question he was dreading, but he _hoped_ she wouldn't. He had to choose his words carefully, or he might be back in the snow again, and he knew it.

"A moment of weakness and cowardice, I suppose. But it was the stupidest thing I've ever done." He promised her, sliding his hands down her arms and grabbing hers. "It will never happen again, I can guarantee you that. Never, ever, ever." He said, twirling a strand of her bubblegum pink hair around a finger. She nodded and leaned her head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat under her ear.

"You should have fought for me." She murmured into his t-shirt, letting the tears spill over her eyelashes. Her fingers curled over the soft fabric, gripping it like a lifeline. She could feel his lips pressed against her neck, and she loved it, loved the sensation that curled down her spine as his tongue flicked over her soft skin.

"I'll fight for you till the day I die."

That was all it took for Tonks to lose control. She stood on her tiptoes and brought his lips crashing down on hers. Remus met her with a lot of intensity. He wrapped his arms around her waist and dragged her closer, feeling her body fit into his. Tonks fumbled with knot on his robes, finally managing to drag it undone and slip the robes off his shoulders.

Remus shrugged off the sopping robe, letting it fall to the ground. He now stood before Tonks in a long-sleeved white t-shirt and jeans, and she ran her fingers in random patterns over his stomach. He shuddered when her hand traced lightly over his scars and bent down again, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. His hands went to press against her stomach, and he laughed when he felt a small foot against the palm of his hand.

"It knows you're back." Tonks mumbled incoherently, because Remus had just started kissing his way down her neck, pressing butterfly kisses against her jaw line. He traced a path up to her ear and began to nibble on her earlobe, and Tonks moaned softly, digging her nails into the soft skin of his back.

"Is that so?" Remus asked, his tongue darting in and out of her ear with skill. Tonks felt weak at the knees – damn him, he knew her weak spot. He gently kissed her again, tugging at her tongue with his, and she sucked on his lower lip. Remus pulled away again, making a trail of hungry kisses from her lips to her collarbone as he slipped two fingers up the back of her shirt, touching the tips to her spine.

"Oh, Remus." She moaned into his neck, feeling her legs buckling against her. He caught her with ease and swept her small, petite frame up, holding her bridal style. He never once stopped kissing her neck though, and she moaned louder as his kisses became more powerful, hungry, exploring her flesh.

"Bed?" He asked of her softly; his voice cracked at the end as she started to make her own path of kisses up his neck now that he had stopped his own assault. She only realized how much she had actually missed his taste when she ran her tongue over her lips. Remus shuddered at the sight.

"You taste different." Tonks said against his neck, the words vibrating against his skin. He let out a strangled sound – one that sounded like a wounded animal – and held her closer. She started nipping at his skin, leaving small love marks. "Let's go to bed." She mumbled, her voice husky. He nodded his agreement and carried her up the steps, trying not to tip backward. He was finally home.

**Hey! A very long chapter, but I'm SUPER PROUD! so i hope you like it because I'm very proud of this chapter! lemme know what you think!  
>HPloveofmylife<strong>


	8. Truth

"Have you heard from Harry yet?" Tonks asked her husband as she stretched out on the couch. Remus suddenly stiffened at the mention of his best friend's son, and Tonks' brow furrowed in confusion. "Remus?" She called his name into the kitchen, and she heard him let out a heavy sigh. He came back into the living room, carrying two steaming mugs.

He handed one to her and sat down at the foot of the lounge, letting her lift her legs and drop them into his lap. "I haven't spoken to Harry." He said quietly, swirling a finger through his steaming tea. He hadn't, in all honesty, but it still stung when he thought of what Harry had said to him. Even though he was right.

Tonks narrowed her eyes, put her hot chocolate down and crossed her arms over her stomach. "There's more to it, and I know there is." She said defiantly, training her eyes on him. When he didn't reply or say anything, she prodded his leg with her foot. "What else happened? Harry loves you, so tell me what went down between you two." Remus looked up suddenly and tilted his head at her, and she laughed at the Muggle saying she had let slip.

"Tell me!" She demanded, giving his leg another hard shove with her foot.

Lupin let out a heavy breath, and turned to his wife, focusing on the rug. "I went to see him right after I left you. I offered to come with them on whatever they were doing. I didn't think any of them were going to figure out that I had left you, but Hermione did. She called me out and asked me why I wasn't staying home with you. She asked me if everything was alright between us, and I told her that you were going to have a baby.

"They were so happy for us, even Ron, but I'm pretty sure he was just happy because Hermione was happy. I told them that I had made you an outcast, that even your own parents looked down upon our marriage because I was a werewolf. And I know," He said, holding up a hand when Tonks opened her mouth. "That your parents are completely happy with this marriage and that you think that I haven't made you an outcast, but I have! Everyone looks down at you because you married me! And now that you've got my child, it's even worse!

"I said that the child would be ashamed of me, ashamed to have a father that's a werewolf, or – worse – that it'd be like me. I was scared, and I did the first thing I could think of, so I ran." At this, Remus stopped. Tonks was staring at him with tears in her eyes, and she gently prodded him on. "Go on, Remus." He nodded and clasped his hands in his lap, so tightly his knuckles turned white.

"Harry said that he would be ashamed of me if I were his father. He said that I was just dumping you and the kid to be a daredevil. He said that I... I was trying to step into Sirius' shoes, to be like him." Tonks' eyes widened in horror, and her lip curled back in a snarl.

"How dare he-"Remus cut her off again.

"He was right. I was trying to be like Sirius and James, trying to be someone I wasn't. Harry said that James died for him, and that he wouldn't have told me to leave the only woman I've ever really loved for a stupid reason. And Harry was right. I was trying to be like Sirius, even if just for a bit. I was being a coward, and I was shocked that a 17 year old boy could point it out before I myself could." Tonks moved closer, sitting cross-legged next to him.

"I...I used my wand on him. I cast a spell, and he flew backward into a wall." Remus had tears dripping down his cheeks as he replayed the moment over and over again in his mind. Harry's green eyes going wide as the spell hit him square in the chest, his black hair flying everywhere as he flew backward into the wall. He shuddered violently at the thought. Tonks crawled onto his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and nestling her head into the crook of his neck.

"Shh. Don't cry." She whispered, wiping his tears away with a thumb.

"But what would James do? I used my wand on an innocent 17 year old – my best friend's son!" Remus exclaimed, running a hand through his mussed hair. Tonks could see he was really winding himself up about it, and there were unshed tears glinting in the corner of his eyes. She placed a cool hand against his cheek, and he instantaneously relaxed, closing his eyes.

"You were mad at Harry, but he still loves you. And so would James. You lost your temper, which is completely understandable. And I'm sure that, wherever they both are, they'd still love you." Tonks whispered, threading her fingers through her husband's. He nodded absentmindedly and held her closer. Deep down, some part of him knew she was right – she was always right – but another little voice kept whispering, 'you've disappointed James and Lily. You've disappointed James and Lily.'

As if Tonks could hear this, she sat up and trained her eyes on his, small smile curving her lips. "And you haven't disappointed Lily and James." She said, bringing her lips to his in a bruising kiss. He kissed her back, pulling away after what felt like a thousand years. She leant her head against his chest, feeling his heart against her ear. So, there was the truth. Finally out in the open.

**Heyy! so...how ya'll going? havent gotten any reviews on this story so please review! i live in australia, and me and my two best friends went to the Harry Potter exhibition on Wednesday, and it was INSANELY AMAZING! if you live in Sydney and love Harry Potter, you definitely have to check it out! anyway, i kinda like this chapter, i guess it depends, but ah well! sorry i havent uploaded in a while!  
>HPloveofmylife<strong>


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